There’s been quite a lot of discussion over on the board of late about being in a relationship and wearing panties. Some men have partners who understand and embrace their boyfriend or husband’s love for lingerie, others have partners who are less enthusiastic but accept it (or don’t) and other men hide it completely either for fear of being found out or because their SO has already foamed at the mouth at the very idea and they value their relationship more than they do being able to openly wear lingerie.
They say that women are the great romantics, but what I see in a lot of reports from men is that it is the men who seem to be genuinely concerned about the state and well-being of their relationships and their partner’s happiness, whereas the women are often concerned more with the serving of their own illusions and the using of sex and sexuality as a bargaining chip. Obviously this doesn’t apply to all women. There are plenty of women who understand that there are worse things in the world than wanting to wear panties, but those ones aren’t the ones involved in sometimes extremely vicious emotional and mental attacks on their partners when it comes to shaming them for wanting to wear lingerie.
You see, there is a potential downside to sharing the fact that you wear lingerie, and it’s not that your partner will up and leave you that instant. It’s that they will accept it, or feign acceptance and then later on turn around and abuse you for it, and often it seems, threaten to ‘out’ you to family and friends.
This is batshit crazy bitch behavior, simply because threatening to share any kind of intimate detail, whether it be the fact you like to wear panties or your secret ardor for having creamed corn spread all over your body whilst she sings arias in Italian, is an incredibly shitty thing to do. I would strongly advise anyone who encounters this sort of threat to DTMFA (dump that motherfucker already) if at all possible. Someone who is prepared to use the intimate details of your relationship against you and blackmail you with them just doesn’t love you. They can’t. That’s not what you do to people you care about. That’s what you do to people you’re using. It’s a sad fact of reality that there are bad people in the world and its very possible to end up in a relationship with one of them because even the most horrible people aren’t terrible all the time. Even a murdering psychopath has their good days, but that doesn’t mean you should have their babies and buy a house together.
The only solution here is to pick female partners who see sex as something to be shared, not as something to be traded. You’ll know very early on in a relationship which one a person is. Traders withhold sex for punitive reasons, in fact, many may be quite open about the fact that they consider sex to be a ‘favor’. If you see this behavior, run. Someone who sees intimacy as a form of relationship currency is someone who has an inherently skewed view of their own sexuality and what it is there for. They will use it against you in a myriad of ways and they’re much more likely than the average Jane to try to blackmail you with threats of telling other people you like to wear lingerie.
What if you’re already in the position in which your SO is threatening you with telling other people?
It’s not even about the lingerie at this point, it’s about you deserving a partner who truly loves you and who wants to share their life and sexuality with you, whether it meshes precisely with their own or not. Most people bring some kind of kink or peccadillo to the table. Here’s the thing. Wearing lingerie isn’t a big deal. Not at all. But men who wear it usually think it is and some women pick up on that insecurity and try to use it against them. Those women are scumbags, just the same as men who post pictures of their female partners online without their consent are scumbags. Everyone in an intimate relationship has a right to a certain level of discretion, and if your partner, be she your girlfriend of a month or wife of twenty years doesn’t understand that, then she’s already broken your relationship in a terribly fundamental way.
I suggest, if such threats are made, that you strongly express your scorn and derision for her actions and for her lack of regard for your relationship. If you are in the position to do so, I suggest you leave and find a new partner, one with the new ’empathy’ upgrade that doesn’t try to tear you down and hurt you at every turn. There’s no point trying to be diplomatic with someone who has shown they’re ready to push the nuclear button on your relationship. Scraping and apologizing or taking the unwarranted abuse meekly will only buy you more time in misery, more time in which the woman, probably still blissfully unaware that she’s a raging fuckstick, grows more self righteous and secure in her ‘power’ over you.
And at the end of the day, who gives a damn if she does tell everyone? Most people will think less of her for it, and if you happen to live in a conservative area where such revelations would be truly damaging to your life in some way, you can always deny it. The odds are good that a woman prepared to betray her husband in such a fundamental way has already earned herself a reputation for being a crazy, vindictive piece of work throughout her interactions with others.
You can’t save a relationship that broken. You can’t build trust with a person who is willing to ruin you over a pair of panties, and why would you want to try?