He Wears Panties » lingerie and relationships

Wives Are Not Jailers

Hope — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:06:56 +0000

I have received not one, but two separate comments today on various articles from men who wear lingerie and whose female partners either agreed to it up front, then changed their minds after 16 years, or who refuse to allow their men to wear lingerie at all.

First, here are the comments along with the articles they were posted to, following that, my response to men who find themselves in this situation.

Want To Wear Panties and Dresses But The Wife Says No?:

JimmyC20593 says:

Hope. Thanks for this Hub. My wife and I have been married 15 yrs and together for 22 years. I told her about how I liked to wear panties after 6 months of dating and she embraced it. It lead to us wearing matching panties each day, no thongs or cotton lingerie for us. We had numerous matching night gowns and matching baby-doll nighties w/panties we wore to bed, hosiery of all types, a few bras and slips and camisoles that were a match to hers also and a dress or 2 of my own. She was never worried about me looking better or sexier in my lingerie than she did in hers which is what made it fun. I would come home at the end of my work day and change into a casual tank style dress to lounge in until it was time bed. I even went out to pick up food in the drive in wearing this outfit. I received a few looks but never anything bad.

On our honeymoon we had one suitcase just for all our lingerie for the 2 weeks we were gone. On our honeymoon, I would wear a camisole under a shirt and it be evident that I was wearing lingerie and my VPL was clear as day and I loved it. We got looks but I didn’t care knowing I would never see these people again.

This went on until after we were married and had kids 12 yrs ago. After this she put the brakes on me wearing all but the panties and hosiery. I was not into the make-up or wig except for halloween. I am more of a man who likes wearing lingerie and dresses. This really hurt me and sent me to the closet with my bras, slips, and dresses. I would leave the house, go to a parking lot and put on my slip or what ever the article of lingerie I didn’t put on at home. I still do it to this day and wish my wife would let this back into our relationship. She has found a bra and slip and berated me which sucked. I don’t want to wear my lingerie in front of my children, only behind our bedroom door and under my clothes. Oh Well…. what to do? I keep all my lingerie and dresses well kept and folded and laundered in boxes and keep one in my trunk for easy access. I still go driving around in the evenings wearing my female attire, no make-up or wig, for the thrill of it. I sometime get out of my car and walk around empty strip malls and window shop and love the feeling of the evening breeze blowing my dress and my nylon covered legs and panty covered crotch.

I just wish my wife would let some of the good old matching lingerie wearing fun back into our lives. I so miss sharing this softer side of me with my loving and lovely wife and not have to be alone in my happiness.

Why I Like My Men To Wear Lingerie:

Jnh says:

I am a guy who likes to wear satin/silk panties-lingerie… I have enjoyed this since I was about 16 ( I am now 26 ). I don’t know.. the feel of the satin material on my chest and other areas is incredibly arousing.

However, for the past 4 years I have been in a relationship with a woman who is NOT accepting of this [ in fact she threatened to leave me if I didn't quit doing it ].

At first I tried to ‘quit’ doing it.. but for whatever reason I just ended up feeling depressed and angry towards her. Thus, for the past 2-3 years I have ‘snuck’ doing it behind her back…. But this isn’t a good long-term solution considering you know, she might catch me eventually.

Any ideas / suggestions ? I do love her, but I also love doing this [ and can't seem to give it up.. ]

What Hope thinks…

This is my response to both men, and all others in this situation. If wearing lingerie and feeling feminine is part of who you are, then it is not okay to languish in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support it. This especially goes in the first case in which the lady agreed to it, then changed her mind when the children came along. I’m not sure when and how women and men got it into their heads that once a woman is married and has children she gets to micromanage her husband into misery, but as a woman, I think this is bullshit. Plain and simple, men don’t get to tell women what to wear anymore and women sure as hell shouldn’t be able to tell the men in their lives what to wear either.

So wear the lingerie and the dresses and if she doesn’t like it, she can leave. What women are doing when they forbid the men in their lives to pursue their happiness is controlling them on such a deep level that if it were the other way around, it would be considered a form of domestic abuse.

Seriously. It would be. If these two comments had come from women, not men, people would be outraged. They would say that the men were overbearing fools from a dark age who needed to realize that in the modern world, it’s not acceptable to tell a partner what they can wear.

I also wonder at the man who allows his wife to tell him what he can and cannot wear, and wonder if perhaps, the relationship is taking a turn in which the woman is assuming the dominant role, doesn’t overly enjoy it and wishes that her husband would take a stand. I’m not saying a woman always wants a man to declare that he will wear panties, but most women want a man who will stand up for himself. If you can’t stand up for yourself against her, then how will you help her out in the world?

The desire to wear lingerie isn’t some quirk that men should have to negotiate around, it is part of their right to freedom and happiness. A woman who knowingly denies her husband or partner that chance to express all he is, is not a woman I would personally care to know, let alone devote my life to.

Now both men love their partners and have considerable emotional and no doubt other forms of investment with them. I understand why men choose to just wear women’s clothing behind their wives’ backs, but I honestly believe that if you are in a relationship with a person who will not allow you to be who you are, if you will spend your life hiding your true nature from them so they don’t reject you, then you’re not in a real relationship at all. True love does not stop with a pair of panties.

You might be surprised at the response you get if you ‘man up’ about this sort of thing and tell her you’re going to do it regardless of what she says. Tell her you are her partner, not her child, and she does not dictate to you what you wear. Being firm on this issue and asserting yourself will be quite attractive to the sort of woman who may fear that her husband or boyfriend is going to become effeminate and useless in the relationship. As men, you do have a masculine role to play. Show her that you can both be her strong husband and her man in panties and you may very well find that she feels differently about you in lingerie.

How To Juggle A Panty Fetish And A Relationship

Hope — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:17:11 +0000

This is actually an exchange between a reader and I. He wrote to me asking what he should do about his girlfriend of six months who was initially very understanding about lingerie, but recently has become upset by it. I did give him some advice, and because this is such a common problem for men trying to juggle a lingerie fetish and a relationship, I asked if he minded me posting a portion of his letter and my response on the site. He very graciously agreed, so my thanks go to him.

I’ve opened up comments at the end of this, so if you have an opinion, feel free to weigh in!

I have been cross dressing since I can remember. I think my first exposure to lingerie had to come at home of course. I was raised in a single mother home with my Mom and sister and I remember I would walk in on them by accident while they were dressing and wondered what all the fuss was about! I discovered my Mom and my sister’s underwear drawer and never looked back since.

I carried a tremendous amount of guilt around in my younger days, thinking I was some kind of pervert or psychologically messed up man who was going to need counseling one day for it. I even went through a failed marriage because my cold “English” wife didn’t understand my desire to be close to her lingerie and panties.

Now that I’m a little more mature in my years, I don’t give a damn anymore and now when I enter a relationship, I let them know fairly early in the relationship of my little desires and if they don’t like it…..they know where the door is. But do let me tell you about one problem I’m having and maybe you have some advice.

My most recent girlfriend of 6 months is at a critical point I believe. When I first broke the news to her a few months ago, she was all so sweet and understanding! I was so relieved that she was so open about it and so sweet. But I think it was a front, because on several occasions when we have spoken more about it, she gets frustrated with me very quickly and then says comments like “I’m beginning to wonder if you like my damn lingerie more than me”!

So, I now feel that I must go back into seclusion because I may lose her over it. I was talking with her again this morning and made a simple comment about “Why is it that I can walk into a shoe store and find over 100 pair of stylish winter boots for women and yet they’ll only dedicate one stupid shelf to men and they will be the most horrific poor quality friggin’ boots”?!! I get so upset at how unfair designers are to men about any kind of fashion. So I simply made a few jokes about “oh, that’s it, I think I should have been born a woman”. “I am going to start buying woman’s clothes from now on, wearing panties, dresses and stylish boots and then I don’t have to be so nervous all the time about it”. Well, you would have thought I had told her I wanted to start taking up swinging with her! She got all upset and told me she doesn’t like when I talk that way and she even started to cry a few tears.

Hope…..was she lying to me all this time? Does she really detest my desires so much? Am I wasting my time again with a woman like this? The feminine side of me is very important and I’m not going to go back into seclusion because of a woman again Hope. I’ve been doing it for many years and it must come to end at some point. I don’t feel I’m some weird man, I just simply love the way lingerie feels against my body and I enjoy the softer feminine things that a woman enjoys! Is this so wrong?

My response…

Well Dave, from a woman’s perspective, I can tell you this. It sounds likely that you are spending way too much time talking to her about lingerie and not enough time talking to her about her.

Women have a tendency to be insecure at the best of times, and when something new comes along which the man they love is attracted to, jealousy is highly likely to arise.

A few months ago when you introduced it, you two were in your lovey dovey phase. You could have told her you liked to wear the fur of fuzzy kittens and she may very well have made an exception for you. Now you’re six months in, the initial burst of romance between you has faded, but your love for lingerie and women’s things is still prevalent.

Chris Rock said it best; women need food, water, shelter and compliments.

You’re not a bad person and you don’t need to go into the closet again, you know what you need to do? Give her some attention without mentioning or wearing lingerie or women’s clothing. She’s expressing her insecurity, and it doesn’t sound like you’re hearing what she’s saying. Spend some intimate and non intimate time with her, just her, and I think you will find her attitude improves and she becomes a lot happier.

Remember, there are two of you in this, and just because she understands your lingerie fetish it doesn’t mean that she wants it to be ‘the other woman’. It can be very hard for any woman to accept that their man desires anything but them. I doubt she was lying when she said that she understood and accepted your fetish, but she may not have understood how large a role it plays in your life. I sincerely believe that some time, some reassurance and some fun for her sans lingerie will get things back on track.

Is There Too Much Lingerie In Your Relationship?

Hope — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:16:02 +0000

Balancing your love life and your lingerie life can be difficult, and some men struggle with it. It is important to maintain balance however, nobody wants to live a life entirely alone but surrounded by frilly lace.

Is there such a thing as too much lingerie in a relationship? Yes. Definitely.

Here’s how to tell if there is too much lingerie in your life.

When Not To Tell Her You Wear Lingerie

Hope — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 19:54:30 +0000

On the whole, I advise men who wear women’s lingerie to always tell their partners, but sometimes that’s just not entirely practical or suitable. There are a few situations in which I would not advise telling a female partner that you wear women’s lingerie.

Are Women Better Than Men?

Hope — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 22:29:43 +0000

Because I write a lot for men who wear women’s clothing, I also interact with a great deal of men who aspire to femininity. There’s nothing wrong with that in itself, but occasionally I get the sense, (and occasionally it is spelled out for me very plainly,) that a man thinks that women are actually better than men. Sometimes a man might even be convinced that men are nearly worthless and women are better.

No Jack, You Can’t Wear Panties | The Objectification Of Men

Hope — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:54:50 +0000

There’s an ongoing debate between the men who like to wear ‘womens’ clothing and the women who say that such behavior is utterly unacceptable. The strongest argument I have encountered on the side of women who believe that men shouldn’t be able to wear women’s clothing is the argument that it simply isn’t attractive.

Rawr, debates!

I Told My Wife I Wear Panties And She Hates It – What Now?

Hope — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 06:35:43 +0000

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, especially when it comes to relationship compatibility issues, and this applies to everyone and everything, not just men who wear women’s clothes.

But what if it is too late for this ounce of prevention, what then, pray tell?

Don’t Marry This Woman….

Hope — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 01:13:45 +0000

(Via Post Secret.)

It’s not worth it….

Why Women Leave Men Who Wear Women’s Clothing

Hope — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 06:59:21 +0000

A bonus, weekend length article about an issue which affects all men who wear women’ s clothing at one time or another…

This is a tough issue, but I think that it is one that needs to be addressed. It has become obvious that many men who wear women’s clothing, both those who wear panties, and those who take their female fashions much further have difficulty sustaining romantic relationships with women. Some men even report losing several partners because of the lingerie, or because of the skirts and high heels.

Read on…

How Can I Stop My Husband / Boyfriend Wearing Lingerie?

Hope — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 23:39:39 +0000

So you have a husband or boyfriend and in many respects he is quite satisfactory. Unfortunately, you have discovered that he likes to wear lingerie, which is obviously unacceptable. Although you like to wear jeans now and then, and think you look pretty cute when you slip into his shirt, it’s quite unacceptable for him to go so far as to enjoy wearing women’s clothing. Women can wear whatever they want, but men need to toe the fashion line. We can’t have them dressing in whatever takes their fancy, can we now. That sort of thing leads to communism, witchcraft, and the furthering of the atheist homosexual agenda.