It’s one thing to wear lingerie that is pretty and looks good, it’s another thing to wear lingerie that makes you look disco excellent. Sequin lingerie comes in a range of styles and price points to suit everyone from the CEO who just wants to rumba in celebration of the latest hostile takeover, to the humble bus boy who dances for cougars to supplement his meager wages.
Spanx is a favorite lingerie line amongst women because it concentrates largely on doing two things. One, being comfortable and two, being unobtrusive. The second of these traits make Spanx products perfect for men who like to wear lingerie in their daily lives, not to mention men who need the support of a brassiere.
Have you ever been caught between a desire for modesty and a desire for your clothing to effectively cover very little of your body? Have you ever wondered what it might be like if your panties got married? Have you ever gazed up at the moon and wondered why no underwear that gives the impression that the wearer has a fine, gauzy tail exists yet? If you said yes to any of the above, then I am about to change your life.
Sometimes one wishes to wear feminine attire, but one is caught up in situations which call for a certain amount of decorum and propriety. Funerals, for instance are one sort of occasion, attending the birth of a child is another. Many of my articles deal with the notion of men wearing skirts, however a skirt will not always suffice. On occasion, something more impressive is required. For those occasions, I can only recommend Victorian Ladies Walking Suits.
I’ve been guilty of repetitively body slamming beige lingerie into a sobbing mess on the wrestling wring of feminine attire over the years. If you’re even a semi regular reader, you’ll already be aware of my distaste for beige. It burns as an eternal fire fanned by the fact that almost every piece of lingerie I find comes in a permutation of beige usually disguised by a euphemism such as ‘Damask’ or ‘Cafe Au Lait’ or ‘Jersey Cow’
Occasionally some bright spark will pop along to one of these lingerie for men articles and, momentarily taking a break from slamming their heads against the wall, will loosen the chin strap of their mandatory house helmet and muster the coordination to type something like ‘if these are for men, why are all the pictures of women.’ At that point, having mustered all the brain power they were planning to use for that day, they collapse comatose onto the keyboard, where their carers find them several hours later.
As you probably know by now, my usual subjects are lingerie for men, and typically I smush the the ‘women’s lingerie’ label into a metaphorical blender to make it apply to men as well, because it does really. However occasionally a piece of underwear designed for men comes along that is so incredibly awesome that I must take my hat off (I always wear a top hat to be prepared for such situations) and applaud underwear manufacturers who have taken the time to take men’s underwear to the next level, and by next level, I mean something other than boxy and black.
Purchase the pretty underwear…
Also by CLEVER, these oh so cute ‘Cheeky Boxers’. Not reviewed in the article, but the pictures speak for themselves, especially the bright pink one. Oh la la! Legitimate men’s underwear with a very girly touch.
80% Nylon, 20% Spandex, 100% gorgeous. That’s the only apt way I can think of to describe Vanity Fair’s Hi Cut panties, you know the panties I’m talking about. They’re the panties in the picture, the ones with the metallic shine that just won’t allow you to tear your eyes away.
Every manly man occasionally needs a place to hang various tools and gadgets. Sometimes, a man will wear a tool belt for this purpose, but wearing a tool belt out in public can result in unsolicited requests to fix things, and depending on your location and terror level alert, arrest. Most things worn on a tool belt could easily be used for malicious purposes and as nobody trusts anybody anymore, tool belts should only ever be worn in the privacy of your own home, with all the curtains drawn so that no passersby look in your windows and feel threatened.
Are you a man of danger? Do you often fight enemy spies? Have you been known to take down an international crime ring using only your wits and a paper clip? Then indubitably, you must be made aware of the bullet bra, a brassiere capable of storing several rounds in its voluminous and pointy / rounded interior.
I know that sometimes some of you think I’ve lost my ever loving mind when I’m doing these lingerie reviews. I know that, and I’m okay with that. You know why? Because nothing I write, and I’m even including my musings on space lingerie in this, could possibly be anywhere near as weird as what actual lingerie manufacturers are doing for real. Don’t believe me? Think that I must be exaggerating at best and hallucinating at worst? Put your lithium prescriptions away!
As a panty scientist (with a white coat), I study panties day in day out. Some people say that’s strange. I say it’s a valuable use of oxygen and carbon atoms.
Stephen Hawking and other scientists with actual science degrees and their own chemistry sets say that the universe tends to chaos under the forces of entropy. My expert panty studies have revealed a similar truth in panties, however instead of tending towards chaos, it is clear that panties are tending towards nothingness. Indeed, I hypothesize that somewhere in the fashion universe there is a lingerie black hole steadily drawing panties towards it.