Lingerie Thought-Crime

So you’re a man who likes women’s lingerie. Maybe you like it because of the way it feels against your skin. Maybe you like it because it makes you feel feminine. There’s certainly nothing wrong with a man liking lingerie, but many men who do are all too aware that not every woman in the world shares that sentiment. Which brings up the question, does your partner have a ‘right’ to know about your lingerie?

If you have a supportive partner who accepts your desire to wear lingerie on occasion, and perhaps even supports it, then that is wonderful. But what if your partner is not so accepting? Should you DTMFA, (“Dump the Motherfucker Already”) as Dan Savage might say? Or should you hide away your lingerie desires and pursue them in secret? If you choose the latter option, does your partner have the right to freak out upon discovering your lingerie related activities, and should you feel guilty about it?

I’ve always said that a man should at least run his desire to wear lingerie by his partner, because it’s a part of his life and one’s partner should always be as much a part of one’s life as possible. But what if you do share and the response is highly negative? What do you do then? Well, the blanket answer for this sort of thing is being told to find another, more supportive partner. If you catch the issue early on in the relationship, it’s probably the best idea.

But life being what it is, it’s more than possible that you could be quite a long way into a relationship before you tell your partner. You could be married, with a house and kids and then what? Are you going to forego your vows and the inherent promise you made to your children when you created them to be there for something as relatively superficial as liking to wear lingerie? Probably not.

A great many men do end up in a position where their partner does not approve of or support their lingerie wearing but the relationship is otherwise sound. In those instances, I have to say that I see no problem with a man pursuing his lingerie interests in his own time, and if the wife / significant other finds out, then so be it. The fact of the matter is a lingerie fetish, especially one that was developed in the early years of one’s life is not going to just go away because someone else doesn’t like it. Sublimating lingerie desires only makes them stronger and often leads to a deep self loathing that can manifest in other self destructive behaviors. If one internalizes the messages one gets from an un-supportive partner, one can begin to view one’s desires for lingerie as a form of thought-crime, and no good can possibly come from that.

One is therefore left with a choice of two evils, to deny oneself a perfectly harmless predilection that brings pleasure, or to give into the thoroughly bigoted desires of a partner who puts their own desire for ‘normality’ above the mental and emotional health and plain happiness of the person they love. I say wear the lingerie if you want to and don’t let someone else’s thoroughly irrational prejudice taint your view of yourself.