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PostPosted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:48 am 
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Hello everyone!

As I'm sure a lot of you can relate with, I have been on the constant binge/purge cycle. To preface the rest of this post, I have fully accepted that my urges to crossdress will be part of me as long as I live. I'm not hiding that from anyone, including my girlfriend. She told me she isn't that big of a fan of my urges, but still accepts that it is a part of me. She believes the urges would be satisfied if we got married. We both are saving ourselves for marriage, so sexual release can really only be brought out by heavy making out. I only bring this up because the sexual energy I have left over manifests itself in fantasizing about crossdressing. I am worried that I would be unable to have a healthy sexual relationship with my future wife with these crossdressing urges in the mix, so I'm really trying to figure out how to healthily incorporate it into my life without being a slave to it.

I am in my early twenties, so I have done lots of exploration and experimentation with the crossdressing side of myself. I have gone to the most extreme last summer, which is full on girl, and moderate, which is just wearing panties under my clothes. I purged maybe a few weeks ago, and that was purging A LOT of items such as makeup, a wig, shorts, tops, dresses, and panties. At that point I felt it was too much stuff to have lying around and I felt very confused about myself. It was hurting me more than anything. Ultimately I did not feel comfortable doing the full-on appearance of a girl. It was good I got to experiment and figure that out, because my curiosity was killing me in that regard.

It's super frustrating, I start out thinking I have control over the clothing I buy/own, then I slowly start feeling that my desire to buy/wear girl clothing are abnormal and I need to cut it out of my life to solve problems immediately. I feel relief for a few weeks or so, then the urges inevitably come back to buy things. I rationalize with myself that I am going to control it, but it ends up controlling me, then I repeat the cycle over again.

I have a $5 coupon that is about to expire at a department store, and I was thinking about buying 5 pairs of panties today. I am still conflicted though. I know that I'm being driven by the high I will get when I wear them. It almost feels like an addiction. Some of you have much more wisdom about these feelings than I do, so I'm reaching out to ask what you would do to make myself at peace. I don't want this to affect my future family, but not completely suppress the desires either.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 19, 2017 1:05 pm 
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As a trans person, i do not have directly relatable experiences but i do know what it is like to have society tell us directly and indirectly " you should be ashamed" To which i have to reply ..."nope sorry, zero to be ashamed of"

As you guys are saving yourself for marriage i might be so bold as to assume you both are also dealing with religion on this thing, and the truth is with most religions looking at this subject, there is still is zero reason to be ashamed of.Femininity can and should be proudly embraced in many forms by men or women or anyone in between. Feminine people rock and any expression of that is totally cool.

Please be careful assuming or accepting that a spouse can change us. With things like this, the change rarely sticks and the motivation for that change is really sort off base anyway, so that is an issue. Sexual performance and interest evolves and changes over the course of all relationships. She may have an expectation of a certain level of attraction to you, and she may have some "deal killers" related to that, (Smoking is one that is often thrown out there) but it is better to understand those things now and negotiate them before there is a marriage contract. Premarital counselors can help with that, they can be really good.

There are no abnormal desires so drop that notion as soon as you can and free yourself from systems of thinking that might be in place just to control you. As long as morally you are hurting nobody and not breaking laws you have a ton of freedom to exercise.

When you normalize your dressing desires you can sometimes get rid of the "excitement" factor that comes from doing something "taboo" and then you will understand how important this is to you and your expression of yourself as a person. What are the strategies you can use to normalize it? Accept it, be part of a community like this, share with trusted loved ones, practice valuing what you are afraid of etc. You sound like you are the right track to do many of these things.

Welcome!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 1:40 am 
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Location: Twin Cities
I naively thought that my crossdressing urges would diminish or even disappear after I got married in my early 20's. Then, when I started sharing a closet and dresser drawers with a woman I couldn't keep my hands off her clothes. I tried on everything I could without ripping them. My crossdressing urges didn't diminish, they became more intense. Just sayin... (Try to deal with the shame--accept yourself) Nancy


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:30 am 
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Location: South East Aiken County SC
nancybali wrote:
My crossdressing urges didn't diminish, they became more intense. Just sayin... (Try to deal with the shame--accept yourself) Nancy


Why do you say try to deal with the SHAME?? There is no shame to be dealt with. If you enjoy wearing skirts dresses panties bras and anything else that is normally sold to women then wear them proudly and have no shame.

There is nothing to be ashamed about!!!!

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Fran
May the world hug you today
With warmth, and love
And may the wind carry a voice
That tells you there is a friend
Wishing you well!


"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not"
Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:39 pm 
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The urges are absolutely horrible , they nearly drove me to suicide at the beginning of my journey , they were overwhelming , but with the urges came the feelings of guilt towards my wife .
I did not and could not understand where these urges were coming from or why they were happening , I have always had a good sex life , but that did not make any difference I felt I had to dress as a woman.
Getting married and having sex will not get rid of your urges , the only thing that will get rid of them is to give in to what you want and that is to wear what you feel comfortable in.
I also like you done a lot of reading and research and I read that purging is the worst thing you can possibly do as it will only make your feelings to dress even stronger , also the fact of all of the money it costs to replace the items you have discarded.
If you have to purge then put all of your clothing in a box and put it away somewhere this way if you can not handle the urge to dress and be feminine the items are still there .
Getting rid of clothing will not change you for the person you are. That is like asking a gay person to stop being gay , they may never have a partner for the rest of their lives but they are still gay no matter what.
Wether you wear male or female clothing you are a crossdresser , we look for acceptance from everyone else about the way we dress , but we must learn to accept ourselves for who we are first and once we can do that then we can move forward and feel comfortable with who we really are.
I have had so much help and support from this forum and I hope it can do the same for you.
Keep posting and whenever possible you will find the solution or even a little reassurance from everyone here.
Amber♡♡♡


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:50 pm 
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Fran, You might not see it this way, but in my view the poster was describing being shameful about his urges when he was expressing a wish to control them, hope that they would diminish once married (unlikely), and a binge/purge cycle. Of course I am not telling him that he has anything to be ashamed of--but in my view accepting ourselves as gender variant requires facing and dealing with our shame about who we are. You are, of course, free to disagree. ;-) Nancy


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:46 pm 
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PantyPerfection wrote:
Hello everyone!

As I'm sure a lot of you can relate with, I have been on the constant binge/purge cycle. To preface the rest of this post, I have fully accepted that my urges to crossdress will be part of me as long as I live. I'm not hiding that from anyone, including my girlfriend. She told me she isn't that big of a fan of my urges, but still accepts that it is a part of me. She believes the urges would be satisfied if we got married.

They definitely won't. She needs to understand it's a part of you and won't be changed one bit by marriage or sex. She needs to be 100% okay with it, now and forever. I say this because I had a girlfriend who said she was okay with my crossdressing but it turned out she wasn't and she was actually hoping I'd "grow out of it" or something. It ended up completely destroying the relationship. I think all of us have purged before (I have, once) and tried to repress it (ditto for like five years) and it just doesn't work in the long term.

Quote:
I only bring this up because the sexual energy I have left over manifests itself in fantasizing about crossdressing. I am worried that I would be unable to have a healthy sexual relationship with my future wife with these crossdressing urges in the mix

The only cure for crossdressing fantasies is crossdressing. Why would the urges prevent a healthy sex life?

Quote:
. I know that I'm being driven by the high I will get when I wear them. It almost feels like an addiction.
I can say wearing panties 24/7 for a few years that the high and the rush of doing it wears off after a while. To me they're just underwear now. I no longer get an adrenaline rush wearing them but I am at total peace with myself, panty-wise. It does sometimes feel like an addiction though because there's so many different kinds of panties to choose from! Going shopping it's like "ooh I want that one and that one and that one..." which is something I never felt when I wore men's underwear. Throwing out all my boxers and just embracing my desire to wear panties was the best decision I ever made. My only regret is that I didn't do it 10 years earlier.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 8:39 am 
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Location: South East Aiken County SC
To PantyPerfection and others here who are having the same problem.

H-TownCrossdressed wrote:
I can say wearing panties 24/7 for a few years that the high and the rush of doing it wears off after a while. To me they're just underwear now. I no longer get an adrenaline rush wearing them but I am at total peace with myself, panty-wise. It does sometimes feel like an addiction though because there's so many different kinds of panties to choose from! Going shopping it's like "ooh I want that one and that one and that one..." which is something I never felt when I wore men's underwear. Throwing out all my boxers and just embracing my desire to wear panties was the best decision I ever made. My only regret is that I didn't do it 10 years earlier.


I feel the same way, I wish I had started to wear panties when I was a lot younger. As to the thrill wearing off and feeling normal. That happens too. I wear panties everyday and do not feel that they are special but just underwear. I also wear skirts presenting as a man and now they too are just normal wear for me. I wear everyday and everywhere. There is no reason to feel like you are doing something wrong because you are not. Enjoy your pantie wearing and do not let others tell you otherwise. The way I look at it if they do not want you wearing panties or anything else tell them that you are what you are and do what you do because you enjoy it. If they can not except that then they are not the right person for you!!

Fran

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Fran
May the world hug you today
With warmth, and love
And may the wind carry a voice
That tells you there is a friend
Wishing you well!


"It is better to be hated for what you are than be loved for what you are not"
Andre Gide: 1869 - 1951


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:54 pm 
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Accepting that you will have crossdressing urge for the rest of your life is healthy. Hoping that you can appease your desire by having sexual relations after marriage is wishful thinking. You may be able to suppress your urge, but it will be temporary.

My wife was willing to wear lacy, sexy, stimulating underwear in the first years of our marriage. She let me shop for the garments (very satisfying). I would join her in the dressing room of Victoria Secret while she tried on multiple garments (fun). During these years, the urge was mostly dormant.

Time marched on, and my wife concluded that these attractive, sexy garments were uncomfortable. Cotton panties and t-shirt bras appeared in boring colors. My urge returned.

I respect your experiment with going "full monty" and that you decided that it wasn't for you, but my experience has been that you will evolve in your urge over time.

The building urge you mention will be with you for all of your life. You may purge from time to time and may even suppress for a period, but the need will return.

There is NOTHING WRONG with this desire unto itself. You should be yourself. It is the healthiest, happiest place to be. It would be great if you can reach a point where you don't care what anyone thinks, but it is unlikely (they are the lucky few). Your concern, most likely, will always be how it affects others. The fact that you are saving yourself for marriage would indicate that your family won't be pleased with your activity. Your beloved will ultimately be disappointed in her effort to convert you. A happy life will be found with a spouse that fully accepts you and supports you in your relationship with your family.

Lastly, I understand the high you get from wearing panties. Getting a high from the activity can go on for some time. Eventually though, you will find cross dressing will fulfill a different role in your life. For me, it is a great sense of comfort and satisfaction is received.

Stay in contact with this site. It will be a source of great support.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 22, 2017 11:00 am 
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My experience: you're desire to dress will not go away with marriage or sex. It's in our wiring.


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