Crossing the Rubicon

Following on from the elation that I‘d felt after trying the waist cincher for size before buying, I once again found myself in the same shopping centre on the Friday. As I wandered around, I found myself being drawn into one particular shop. I had never had the intention, nor did I feel I would ever move into the world of also wearing female outer garments, but as I was browsing in the store I found myself seeking out a skirt and top, as well as a belt to complete the outfit.

That evening my girlfriend came to my house and I dressed in the outfit to show her my new purchases. She loved the outfit and I talked with her about “Ava”. As we were standing outside on the patio, I walked across to put my empty beer bottle in the rubbish bin. I strode across in a relaxed, confident manner and when I returned to stand beside my girlfriend, she put her arms around my neck, gave me a big kiss and with a bigger smile told me that she’d never seen me so relaxed & confident in all the time she’s known me. She then said that she likes Ava and that she’s glad I’ve finally made friends with her.

“I am a transvestite” There, I’ve said it!

I have spent all my adult life living with the fear of shame and embarrassment that would overwhelm me if my secret were to be discovered and so hid my secret away. I’ve never thought of myself as a transvestite/ crossdresser. I have always thought of myself as a guy with a fetish for wearing lingerie and then last year, during the last few months leading up to my separation from my wife of nearly 14 years, it started to become more than just a sex thing; I began wearing female lingerie under my male clothes as a part of my normal life. I then began to think of myself as a lingerie-wearing-man, but still not as a “crossdresser”.

Then last week happened. During that week I had joked with myself that I was having some fun with and making friends with my anima and it was almost as though by acknowledging her in this manner, I allowed her to emerge, culminating in last Friday’s purchase of female outer clothing. I began to read more and, after reading Dr Watson’s Gender Disorientation Scales in an article on Wikipedia I was left with the inescapable conclusion that I am a transvestite. According to the criteria set down in Dr Watson’s gender disorientation and indecision scales, as applied to biological males, I fall somewhere between Group One (low intensity) and Group Two (medium intensity). According to Kinsey’s sexual orientation scale, I fall into category 0 – exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual experience.

Where to from here?

I know that the answers lie within me and I need the guidance of my avatar to uncover them. I have been experimenting with make-up and now know that I don’t want to mimic females in such a manner as to want to be able to pass as one. Today I wore my high heeled boots all day. I did notice a couple of odd looks from one or two people, but most either didn’t notice or didn’t care. The only comment I received came from a (male) lawyer with whom I had met to discuss some business. As I was leaving the meeting he asked me “How do you walk in those high heels?” I smiled as I replied, “With good posture and balance”.

After leaving a second meeting in the afternoon with another (female) lawyer, who had made no comment regarding my choice of footwear, I found myself walking through the city with a relaxed and confident air and a “Who cares?” attitude.

I’m pleased I made friends with Ava, my anima. As I stated above, she’s been with me all my life and will be until the day I die. Since I’ve made friends with her I feel a lot happier and more peaceful than I can remember having felt for years. As I wrote above, I have always felt relaxed and comfortable in exclusively female company and for most of my adult life, many of my closest friends have been female. Now I have a new female friend, Ava and she makes me relaxed and comfortable; she makes me feel good about myself.

Get Zensless

Hope to see you there

Meeting “Ava”

Recently I have found myself able to be a little more open about wearing female attire. Since I began reading Hope’s articles around 7 months ago, my level of acceptance of my love of lingerie has grown, in the same way that the sense of shame & guilt I’ve carried about it has diminished. This has also been helped greatly by the fact that new lady in my life not only accepts this, but actually enjoys it and finds it to be quite a turn-on.

I love pantyhose and tights. I have been wearing them either under my trousers when I’m out and about, or when I’m at home alone for more than a year now. It has now reached the stage where I almost no longer feel “normal” if I am not wearing hosiery in some form. I have taken to wearing tights with shorts when going home from the gym. I wear black opaque tights. They feel more comfortable than wearing long trousers over my legs after a workout, as I find that, the material of the trousers can cling to my legs in a manner that is most uncomfortable. Tights, on the other hand, cover my legs and keep the chill off them, but without clinging and restricting movement. The first time I did this I was a bit apprehensive. I put them on in the men’s changing room in front of and whilst talking to a couple of guys who had been participants in my boxing circuit class. Neither of them batted an eyelid or even gave them a second glance as I rolled up the legs and rolled them up my legs, pulled my shorts over the top of them & stuck my feet in my shoes.

Sometimes on my way home I may need to call into a shop, or a filling station; I haven’t had any comments or adverse reactions. Nor have I noticed anyone giving me strange looks, I think most people just assume they must be runner’s tights. I would dearly love to be able to openly wear other tights during the daytime, but must admit I’m not brave enough for that one…. yet.
In the last week of June, I bought myself a pair of ladies’ boots from a shop. Although I had never dressed fully as a woman, these knee length boots have 3½” heels and I thought they’d look quite sexy with stockings (I was right). I went into the shop 10 minutes before closing time (when the shop was quiet), tried them on and bought them. The young girl (about 19) who served me didn’t actually see me trying the boots on, but did see me fastening the laces of my running shoes afterwards. She seemed slightly taken aback and perhaps a little embarrassed, but was otherwise friendly and we chatted about her weekend plans as I paid for the boots.

During the following week I also tried on a bustier for size in a department store. This particular chain doesn’t always have an attendant checking how many items you’re taking in & out of the changing rooms, so I hid it under a couple of T-shirts. I’m glad I did as it was a little too tight under the arms & I was able to then put it back and buy one the next size up.

Then, last week, on June 30th, I did something I never thought I would be able to do. I was in a store belonging to a major lingerie chain, perusing potential purchases and found a very nice black satin waist cincher. There was one other customer in the shop and once she’d left, I took it to the assistant – a young lady in her mid-twenties – and asked if I could try it on. She was momentarily a little taken aback, but quickly composed herself, said “Sure!” She checked the changing rooms and led me to a cubicle to try it on. After I’d been in for a minute or so, she asked how I was going and I asked if she could lace it up for me. I was wearing plain black, silky bikini panties and nude hi-gloss pantyhose as well as the cincher when she came into the cubicle and, after tightened the laces, she commented that it was a good fit.

When I exited the changing room after dressing and went to pay for my new acquisition, I felt she was a little awkward about the situation – or maybe I was projecting my own feelings onto her – but she was friendly and composed as she explained the washing care for the waist cincher. I explained that I was aware that it should be hand-washed and then squeezed, not wrung, to remove excess water. We were both a bit more relaxed by then and she added that It should be laid flat to dry and then told me that a lot of female customers who return corsetry, do so complaining that the boning has lost its shape as a result of machine washing. I thanked her and left the shop feeling extremely smug and happy with myself that I’d finally plucked up the courage to do this.

It was actually a lot less awkward than I’d imagined. As I have discovered with my ever-growing confidence and sense of comfort in myself, facing your fears is rarely as painful as we imagine it to be.

Then came this week and along came Ava.

I had been thinking about Jung’s theories regarding the Anima/Animus and relating this to the emergence of my own growing level of comfort in living with and expressing my feminine self. I began joking with myself about having fun with my anima and started thinking about “her” and what kind of woman “she” would be, if she were a living, breathing person.

I thought that, obviously, she’s be my height and I saw her as having a fairly slim, athletic build – probably about a women’s size 12 (US – with long, dark and silky straight hair. I sensed her to be quite a sexy and sensual being, almost feline in her appearance and demeanour. This was quite ironic as I myself relate very much to dogs and see myself as a “dog person” with a number of characteristics one would normally associate with canines. The fact that I saw my anima, my “other self” as having predominantly feline characteristics made a lot of sense. The highly sexual and sensual females are often portrayed through the media as feline characters.
In many ways I saw her to be a lot like the Na’vi creatures in the Avatar movie. The Na’vi are quite feline in their appearance, with long, straight hair. Although its storyline is primarily that of an action-adventure, one of the main themes of the movie is that of a journey of self-discovery. The word Avatar itself, is a Hindu term for the manifestation or appearance of a deity.

It was with these factors in mind that I decided to abbreviate Avatar to “Ava” as a name to associate with my anima.

I do not wish to be called Ava, even when dressed I feminine attire, but have found myself relating to her as another person who is a part of me, almost a form of symbiotic partner sharing the same body.

I had never fully understood the way in which crossdressers call themselves by female names, other than the fact that it would seem strange to address a person who has a completely feminised appearance by a strongly male name, e.g. Frank. I now understand that this female persona they take on when they dress is their avatar.

If you’d like to make a guest post on He Wears Panties, feel free to email me: hope-alexander@hotmail.com

Last week, I made friends with my Anima. She’s been with me all of my life and right throughout my life she’s tried to let me know she’s there, but in a some ways I’ve felt more than a little ashamed and embarrassed about her. You see, the society in which we live is very much defined by stereotypes that are invented and promoted by the media, stereotypes that reinforce the way we see and perceive both other people and, more importantly, ourselves. From an early age, around the time we start school, we are told that little boys are made of “rats and snails and puppy dogs’ tails”, whereas little girls are made of “sugar and spice and all things nice”. Furthermore, big boys don’t cry.

Over the years I have had straight and gay friends of both genders. Indeed, most of my closest and enduring friendships have been with females and, unlike many of my male friends, I have always felt perfectly comfortable in otherwise exclusively female company. As a young boy I would play sports, race my bicycle with my friends, climb trees and engage in typically masculine “adventurous” activities. However, although I had no desire to play at “tea parties” or with dolls (other than Action Man soldier dolls), I would be quite happy to be in the company of and engage in other, non gender-specific games and activities, such as board games with girls.

In The Beginning

My first crossdressing memories were of wearing one of my Mum’s slips at around the age of 5. My Dad had died when I was very young and, although my Mum remarried, for a couple of years there were just the three of us (Mum, sister & I) in the house. At first Mum didn’t seem to mind, but then I suppose she got worried because it was becoming a regular thing. One day, she took the slip off me and threw it into the open fire, saying that it was dangerous for me to walk around the house dressed like that as a spark could set fire to the slip & I’d be burned.

I didn’t really understand at the time, but with hindsight, I think she had noticed that what was initially something cute & novel was becoming a regular occurrence and was trying to stop it from developing into something more – probably worried I’d grow up to be gay! After that incident I did stop wearing feminine articles of clothing until puberty hit and the hormones kicked in.

Then, around the age of 12, I started sneaking into my parents’ room and borrowing first my Mum’s slips and then also pantyhose and masturbating whilst wearing them. I was discovered once by my sister, who told my parents and I was made to endure a horrendously embarrassing “chat”. Nothing more was ever mentioned about it after that, although my Mum did once mention to my soon-to-be ex-wife that she was worried at one stage that I might grow up to be gay (which explains the behaviour in the first paragraph).

I continued with the secret wearing of lingerie as a purely sexual fetish activity, but was deeply ashamed and embarrassed about it and never told anyone. At around the age of 21, I had a girlfriend who used to leave some of her more “raunchy” lingerie at my apartment and I’d sometimes wear it when she wasn’t around. If I was visiting her place and showered there, I would inevitably “accidentally” not have any clean underwear with me and she’d loan me a pair of her panties. I never told her of my love of wearing those silky panties but, once again in hindsight, I think she probably suspected, but didn’t mind.

When I moved away from home and married at 23, my first wife and I went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the cinema. On the way home she kept talking about how hot Tim Curry looked in his corset and stockings and when we got home she dressed me up in some of her lingerie and we enjoyed a session of passionate love-making. Following that night, my wearing her nighties/pantyhose etc became a regular part of our sexual repertoire, but because of my lingering sense of shame about it, I was never able to tell her about my previous experiences with lingerie, nor openly admit to just how much I loved it. When we split up she gave me one of her nighties to keep.

After that time I never wore lingerie for any other girlfriends, nor bought any for myself, although I was quite relaxed about openly buying lingerie for various girlfriends and gaining some form of vicarious pleasure from that. As far as using lingerie for sexual purposes went, I was reliant upon lingerie left behind by girlfriends.

Then, one night I went with a girlfriend to see the Rocky Horror Show theatre presentation. She borrowed a corset for me from her sister and on the night of the show, she dressed me and made me at my apartment before leaving for the theatre. When we returned home after the show, she grabbed me as soon as the door was closed, frantic with lust and insisted on making love in front of a mirror so she could watch me making love to her whilst wearing a corset and stockings. There was never any repetition of that as I was still too afraid to admit to my love of lingerie, although I would buy it for her to wear. When we split up, she left my favourite black, silky teddy behind, with the words “You might as well keep it, you’ll have more use for it than me”. She’d obviously sussed my liking of female underwear, but had been sensitive enough to realise my embarrassment and hadn’t pressed the point. How I wish now that she had been able to tell me that she was cool about it.

The first person I ever openly told about my fetish was my soon-to-be ex-wife. I told her I liked wearing pantyhose and silky lingerie one Saturday afternoon and she immediately insisted that we should go shopping to buy me some. Over the nearly 15 years of our marriage, I would regularly wear lingerie when we were making love and she would buy me slips and nighties as gifts from time-to-time. When we split up, she used this against me, telling friends about my “cross-dressing”, much to my horror and embarrassment. She even cited it as one of the reasons behind the breakdown of our marriage and has tried to use it against me in court to try and stop me from seeing my kids. My lawyer told me before our first appearance in the Family Court, “I’ve known cases where one party was a heroin addict and user and was still granted free access to their kids, wearing ladies underwear is not going to be seen by the courts as constituting a danger to your kids”.

The second person I told was my best friend. My ex- had told his wife and I didn’t feel that it was right that she should be carrying a secret that he wasn’t a party to. I told him about my wearing lingerie and showed him a statement I had typed for myself some weeks before – a kind of mantra to help me to become more comfortable about it. His response was “Mate, it makes no difference to me. We’ve been friends for all these years and this doesn’t change a thing”.

During the time following my separation from my second wife, I discovered Hope Alexander’s articles on Hub Pages.

The third person I told was my current girlfriend. By this time I had read many of Hope Alexander’s articles and was feeling a lot more comfortable in myself about my penchant for ladies’ lingerie. The third time we had made love, I had worn a pair of black, silky, boy leg panties and a silky black ladies’ singlet. She made no attempt to remove either when we were making love and so, on our next date I told her the truth. I sat her down and told her that I had something important to tell her and then I quite simply said to her that I liked wearing lingerie. Her response was “Is that all? God! I thought you were going to tell me you were seeing other women!” She absolutely loves that I wear lingerie. She finds it to be a huge turn-on and we almost always both wear sexy, silky, feminine underwear during our love-making sessions.

As a result of a combination of the reading and research I have done and my experiences with my girlfriend, I began to feel a lot more comfortable in expressing my feminine self.

By this stage I had a fairly expansive lingerie collection and, although I was not yet ready to be completely open about it, each reaction I have from others that is either positive or non-judgmental, had the combined effect of allaying my long-held fears regarding the attitudes and reactions of others, as well as increasing my own sense of self-worth. There was a growing sense that this form of expressing the feminine part of my psyche – my anima – that I have, is not a horrid and shameful thing.

If you’d like to contribute your own experiences or perspectives to the blog, please do email me: hope-alexander@hotmail.com

I am a 36 year old straight man that enjoys wearing panties. A little of my background: I doubt that anyone could call into question my masculinity. I had a career in the Army with three combat tours, led convoys around Baghdad, always scored highly on my physical fitness tests, and was in charge of my own platoon. I rose up through the ranks quite quickly, serving in many leadership position. I am also married and the father of two boys that are as into sports as I am.

Nothing about me looks or seems feminine, but just like others that have posted here, I had been frustrated with limited options of what was being sold/marketed for men to wear. I hate boxers in that I want support for my parts, and just can’t stand the look and feel of tighty-whities. I hate the feel of the rough cotton that we are limited to. Not only that, but there is no variety whatsoever in men’s underwear. After looking and looking, I was able to find some underwear made by Marona that was a micro-fiber type material. I started wearing those, but was still limited to black, white, and dark blue…that’s it. Let’s see, what should I wear today? Oooohhh, I get to choose from three. Kind of like when I was in the military: What should I wear today? How about green!

I discovered panties quite a few years ago when my wife as a joke, dared me to wear a pair of hers. I was hooked. They felt good, they supported me well, and I must admit, I got turned on as well. Throughout the years, she has gone back and forth on if she likes it or not. For a while we even shopped for panties together for me, and allowed me to wear them to bed along with a nightgown. Interesting, she “allowed” me, since when should me have to be “allowed” to do something? However, she is now totally against it, she does not like any bit of it even though I wish I could wear them 24/7. I have to actually hide the fact that I wear them, which I hate having to lie to her. BTW, if there are any women reading this that refuse to let your husband wear panties and lingerie, you are only forcing them to lie to you.

Not only do I love the feel and look of panties, but being the military had made me aggressive, combative, and assertive. Sometimes this is good, sometimes not. Wearing panties under my uniform was a good way of calming me down. At one point in the military, I almost had a breakdown where all the expectations of my family, my soldiers, and society got to be too much. I felt that I was carrying the burden of our nation on my shoulders, and along with that, my family. When people see a soldier they expect them to be the protector, the one to fight for the nation, a perfect example of manliness. Society does not allow a male soldier to show feeling, any kind of softness, or any type of weakness. That is a lot to carry on your shoulders. I don’t know when, but I started wearing panties once again under my uniform, and every once in a while, a bra or camisole. With our uniform tops, it was easy to hide. I didn’t wear a bra or camisole while deployed, but still wore panties.

A curious thing started happening. My soldiers told me that I was more approachable, my leadership style was more fair and balanced, and that I was able to listen and understand their problems that they brought to me better. The stress started melting away and I was able to function better. I became a better father and husband. So even though I love wearing panties due to the variety, feel, and the overall sexiness of it, there are some great side effects from wearing panties!

If you’d like to make your own blog post contribution to He Wears Panties, email your post to hope-alexander@hotmail.com.

Hi Guys

I was messing around on the net the other day and, when I googled “Mantyhose”, one of the sites that came up was a Stylelist posting from 2008 by a lady named Annie Scott that begins with the declaration “All right, men. Guess what you didn’t know you needed? Pantyhose.” She then goes on to talk a little about the e-MANcipate website, before ending her little pontification with this little gem “Unless you’re playing Robin Hood or pretending to be Louis XIV (like you do), we think maybe you should pass this trend up in favor of, you know, looking hot. But to each his own, right? Whatever.”

There then follows a discussion a number of people putting forward their views on the subject, including crossdressers, men who are not crossdressers but wear pantyhose for comfort and support and also women with mixed views on the subject. Most notable are some of the negative comments from women, including the following; “[i]I have been watching men become more and more effeminite since the 1960′s when they began to let their hair grow long and style it like the ladies…….. This is the generation of the wimps.[/i]”

Then, along comes the_kcar, with the following post:

“I’m a married mother in a rural locale. Does that clear my heterosexual credentials? Good.

I’ll never understand people….”

Wow! The world needs a whole lot more people like her, someone with common sense and no agenda to pursue.

“Common sense is very uncommon.” (Horace Greeley)

Hope;

I wanted to tell everyone I have finally found a sports bra that works. I picked up eight of these bras to help hide my gynecomastia and control the resulting bounce. I am 48b because of medication and being overweight.

I was very hesitant to purchase these at first because of the non standard Sizes sold at Lane Bryant. Instead of selling by bra size, they sell by dress size. Since I wear an 26w Top I went with the size 26. I was presently surprised when I got them, but that is getting ahead of myself.

I went down to the Lane Bryant store hoping to try them before buying, but alas none were carried locally.  So I had one of the salesladies (they all know me by name) order them using Coupon (You can use 050001552 $25 off $75, $50 off $150, $75 off $225). I highly recommend you sign-up for Mail Coupons or Email ones or both!

Right now until the 11th July Lane Bryant has Buy 2 Bras and Get 2 Free!    Combine that with the coupons for some real savings. I also use my Lane Bryant Credit Card and get Rewards points that way too. Double Points right now.600 points and I got $25 check. So I used that also to reduce the costs and ended up paying 10-11 dollars for each Bra. Free Shipping when you order from the Store.

I found the Microfiber Racerback Sports Bra quite snug. At first I thought that it waas a little big and difficult to put on, but they have some side hooks that allow it to be put on easily. I just left the rear hooks done up and it went over my head with minimum effort.  I found this bra provided excellent control of the bounce and even compressed ‘the girls’ down so they were less noticeable.  It did not get rid of them, but helped quite a bit. The only thing I had to think about was making sure the straps don’t show with the shirt I choose.




The Microfiber Criss-Cross Sports Bra was easier to get on and provided adequate support and also helped hide the girls. The downside to this bra were the foam removable pads. Without the pads I found that my nipples stood out more. When the pads were put in, I had a softer, rounder shape, so I eventually opted to wear the pads. They have to be removed for washing but they are very easy to remove and ‘install’.






The Cotton Criss-Cross Sports Bra was the easiest to put on. On a hot day I can see this bra quickly becoming an favorite.  It fits similarly to the Microfiber Criss-Cross Bra.








Now for a note about Lane Bryant. Initially the salesladies were not all that helpful, but there are ways of turning that around. Firstly, I suggest you go when the store is not busy. Talk to the manager before to get a Bra Fitting if you’re unsure of your size. I always go back with a ‘thank you gift’, like some Wine or candy or even gift cards to Wal-Mart or Olive Garden. In this way, I get excellent customer service. A big fear of many men who wear bras is trying on bras with women, but when women come into the store I have had zero problems, I stand in line with the ladies and say hi. In the dressing rooms, remember to be well mannered is all I can say.

I now have the proper support I wanted in a bra that fits and does the job!

As you know, He Wears Panties is a site I started for men who wear women’s clothing. For the last three years, it’s pretty much been me pontificating in bloggy fashion about the issue, and the forum is the first step to balancing that equation somewhat.

The second stage is opening the blog itself up a little bit too.  So here’s my plan for that. If you have something to say about any issue related to men wearing women’s clothing (it can be a type of clothing you love, a social issue you feel is connected, your experiences in dealing with partners who have issues with men wearing womens clothing, or not, really, anything at all on the topic,) why not guest post on He Wears Panties?

If you have your own blog or site on the subject, it is a good way to draw attention to your own musings, and if you don’t have your own blog, it’s a good place to have your say about an issue and have it read. He Wears Panties received over 40,000 unique visitors last month and ticked up almost 100,000 page views, so rest assured, if you say it here, people will see it.

If you’re interested in guest blogging for He Wears Panties send me a PM on the forum, or email me: hope-alexander(AT)hotmail.com