He Wears Panties » lingerie and relationships

What If She Threatens To Tell People You Wear Panties?

Hope — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 22:48:06 +0000

There’s been quite a lot of discussion over on the board of late about being in a relationship and wearing panties. Some men have partners who understand and embrace their boyfriend or husband’s love for lingerie, others have partners who are less enthusiastic but accept it (or don’t) and other men hide it completely either for fear of being found out or because their SO has already foamed at the mouth at the very idea and they value their relationship more than they do being able to openly wear lingerie.

They say that women are the great romantics, but what I see in a lot of reports from men is that it is the men who seem to be genuinely concerned about the state and well-being of their relationships and their partner’s happiness, whereas the women are often concerned more with the serving of their own illusions and the using of sex and sexuality as a bargaining chip. Obviously this doesn’t apply to all women. There are plenty of women who understand that there are worse things in the world than wanting to wear panties, but those ones aren’t the ones involved in sometimes extremely vicious emotional and mental attacks on their partners when it comes to shaming them for wanting to wear lingerie.

You see, there is a potential downside to sharing the fact that you wear lingerie, and it’s not that your partner will up and leave you that instant. It’s that they will accept it, or feign acceptance and then later on turn around and abuse you for it, and often it seems, threaten to ‘out’ you to family and friends.

This is batshit crazy bitch behavior, simply because threatening to share any kind of intimate detail, whether it be the fact you like to wear panties or your secret ardor for having creamed corn spread all over your body whilst she sings arias in Italian, is an incredibly shitty thing to do. I would strongly advise anyone who encounters this sort of threat to DTMFA (dump that motherfucker already) if at all possible. Someone who is prepared to use the intimate details of your relationship against you and blackmail you with them just doesn’t love you. They can’t. That’s not what you do to people you care about. That’s what you do to people you’re using. It’s a sad fact of reality that there are bad people in the world and its very possible to end up in a relationship with one of them because even the most horrible people aren’t terrible all the time. Even a murdering psychopath has their good days, but that doesn’t mean you should have their babies and buy a house together.

The only solution here is to pick female partners who see sex as something to be shared, not as something to be traded. You’ll know very early on in a relationship which one a person is. Traders withhold sex for punitive reasons, in fact, many may be quite open about the fact that they consider sex to be a ‘favor’. If you see this behavior, run. Someone who sees intimacy as a form of relationship currency is someone who has an inherently skewed view of their own sexuality and what it is there for. They will use it against you in a myriad of ways and they’re much more likely than the average Jane to try to blackmail you with threats of telling other people you like to wear lingerie.

What if you’re already in the position in which your SO is threatening you with telling other people?

It’s not even about the lingerie at this point, it’s about you deserving a partner who truly loves you and who wants to share their life and sexuality with you, whether it meshes precisely with their own or not. Most people bring some kind of kink or peccadillo to the table. Here’s the thing. Wearing lingerie isn’t a big deal. Not at all. But men who wear it usually think it is and some women pick up on that insecurity and try to use it against them. Those women are scumbags, just the same as men who post pictures of their female partners online without their consent are scumbags. Everyone in an intimate relationship has a right to a certain level of discretion, and if your partner, be she your girlfriend of a month or wife of twenty years doesn’t understand that, then she’s already broken your relationship in a terribly fundamental way.

I suggest, if such threats are made, that you strongly express your scorn and derision for her actions and for her lack of regard for your relationship. If you are in the position to do so, I suggest you leave and find a new partner, one with the new ‘empathy’ upgrade that doesn’t try to tear you down and hurt you at every turn. There’s no point trying to be diplomatic with someone who has shown they’re ready to push the nuclear button on your relationship. Scraping and apologizing or taking the unwarranted abuse meekly will only buy you more time in misery, more time in which the woman, probably still blissfully unaware that she’s a raging fuckstick, grows more self righteous and secure in her ‘power’ over you.

And at the end of the day, who gives a damn if she does tell everyone? Most people will think less of her for it, and if you happen to live in a conservative area where such revelations would be truly damaging to your life in some way, you can always deny it. The odds are good that a woman prepared to betray her husband in such a fundamental way has already earned herself a reputation for being a crazy, vindictive piece of work throughout her interactions with others.

You can’t save a relationship that broken. You can’t build trust with a person who is willing to ruin you over a pair of panties, and why would you want to try?

Would A Good Wife Let Her Husband Wear Lingerie?

Hope — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 13:04:47 +0000

We modern women like to think that we are emancipated and evolved. That we can have it all, be it all, do it all. But have we forgotten some of the traditional values that made us good equals with men? Does a wife ever have a right to complain that her husband is wearing women’s clothing? The idea for this hub came from a comment left on one of my other articles on the subject of men wearing lingerie, in which a woman took the time to share her opinion on the subject of men wearing women’s lingerie and surprised me with her perspective.

The Running Shoe Fetish

Hope — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 03:08:37 +0000

This is actually an excerpt from a Savage Love column. If you don’t already read Dan Savage, add him to your list. He gives great advice and his perspective on sex and sexuality may be very useful to those of you with lingerie fetishes who wish to integrated them successfully into relationships. The exchange you’re about to read is about a Running Shoe fetish, but it could be about any fetish at all.

My husband and I have been married for one year, but we had been dating for 10 years prior to that. I thought we had a very understanding relationship. In the last couple of days, I have found out that he has a serious obsession with females wearing running shoes. He had in the past hinted at the fact that it turns him on, but I had no idea of the scope of this obsession. I’ve discovered that he spends a large number of hours a week devoted to this fetish. He was sloppy in covering his tracks one day, and I found evidence on his computer.

I should also mention that when he told me he thought running shoes are hot, I thought he meant on me, not on all living and breathing females.

I believed that he could trust me enough to be open with me, but he has been hiding this from me for 11 years! I am still in shock and not quite sure how to deal with it. He obviously feels ashamed, otherwise he would have told me years ago. Why did he not bring this up before we got married? I had a right to know what I was getting into. I don’t know if I can live with knowing that he gets a hard-on for every running-shoe-wearing woman who goes by. I feel betrayed and creeped out. He says that he didn’t want to hurt me, but he has done just that. I feel physically sick to my stomach knowing that I didn’t really know who he was all this time. We still have to work it out and really talk about our new situation. But I am beginning to think our marriage isn’t going to survive this. Am I being too sensitive? How can I fix my marriage?

Dumbfounded In Brooklyn

Does your husband like your tits only, DIB, or can he get a hard-on for every tits-wearing woman who goes by? Does he like your pussy only, DIB, or can he get a hard-on for every pussy-wearing woman who goes by?

If your marriage can survive the husband being attracted to tits and pussy generally, DIB, but attracted to your tits and pussy particularly, your marriage should be able to survive the awareness that your husband is into women in running shoes generally but into you in running shoes particularly.

Why did he keep it from you? Because he was ashamed, DIB, because guys with fetishes are told—hey there, Prudie—that they’re disturbed and unlovable, and because no one bothers to inform straight women that fetishes are to male sexuality what lies are to a Fox News broadcast: likelier to be present than not. So he dropped hints but didn’t tell you during year one—or year two or three, year four, etc.—because he was afraid you would have the reaction you’re having at year eleven.

So what do you do now? You forgive him, if you give a shit about your marriage, if you actually ever loved him, and you do a little reading about male sexuality. Daniel Bergner’s The Other Side of Desire is a good place to start.

And ladies? If your boyfriend or husband has “hinted at the fact that [something or other] turns him on,” you can safely assume that [something or other] really turns him on.

How To Find The Perfect Woman For A Man Who Wears Women’s Clothing

Hope — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:41:45 +0000

Here’s my theory of relationships between males and females. The male usually as masculine as the female is feminine. That’s why you see craggy faced, sort of ‘ugly’ men with pretty feminine women, it’s because his masculinity matches her femininity.

What lesson can men who wear lingerie and like to express a feminine side take away from this?

When The Man Becomes The Other Woman

Hope — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 21:40:04 +0000

It is surely no secret by now that many women aren’t exactly on board with the men in their lives wearing women’s clothing. We can point out at great length how much of a double standard this is (I wonder how many women have been wearing jeans whilst they complained that the man in their lives wanted to wear a skirt or lingerie) but the type of woman who is put off by a man who wears women’s clothing doesn’t care about logic of that nature.

Wife Won’t Let You Wear Women’s Clothes?

Hope — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 20:50:52 +0000

So, as you know, I spend a great deal of time telling my readers how wonderful it is for men to wear women’s clothing, and how much they should indulge their fashion sense to its fullest limits. I do realize, however, that many men who like to wear women’s clothing are very much restrained by other influences in their lives. These influences usually come in the form of women that the men in question want to remain married to or living with.

How Not To Lose Loved Ones Over Lingerie

Hope — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:45:23 +0000

It’s a common fear (and occasionally, even a reality,) that revealing the fact that you are a man who loves to wear lingerie will push away loved ones and leave you lonely and sadly alone. Some men who share their secrets with their romantic partners find support and love that they did not know existed before they shared their secrets. Other men who share their feelings end up embroiled in bitter disputes and sometimes even divorce.

What are the differences between these two groups of men?