There’s been quite a lot of discussion over on the board of late about being in a relationship and wearing panties. Some men have partners who understand and embrace their boyfriend or husband’s love for lingerie, others have partners who are less enthusiastic but accept it (or don’t) and other men hide it completely either for fear of being found out or because their SO has already foamed at the mouth at the very idea and they value their relationship more than they do being able to openly wear lingerie.
They say that women are the great romantics, but what I see in a lot of reports from men is that it is the men who seem to be genuinely concerned about the state and well-being of their relationships and their partner’s happiness, whereas the women are often concerned more with the serving of their own illusions and the using of sex and sexuality as a bargaining chip. Obviously this doesn’t apply to all women. There are plenty of women who understand that there are worse things in the world than wanting to wear panties, but those ones aren’t the ones involved in sometimes extremely vicious emotional and mental attacks on their partners when it comes to shaming them for wanting to wear lingerie.
You see, there is a potential downside to sharing the fact that you wear lingerie, and it’s not that your partner will up and leave you that instant. It’s that they will accept it, or feign acceptance and then later on turn around and abuse you for it, and often it seems, threaten to ‘out’ you to family and friends.
We modern women like to think that we are emancipated and evolved. That we can have it all, be it all, do it all. But have we forgotten some of the traditional values that made us good equals with men? Does a wife ever have a right to complain that her husband is wearing women’s clothing? The idea for this hub came from a comment left on one of my other articles on the subject of men wearing lingerie, in which a woman took the time to share her opinion on the subject of men wearing women’s lingerie and surprised me with her perspective.
This is actually an excerpt from a Savage Love column. If you don’t already read Dan Savage, add him to your list. He gives great advice and his perspective on sex and sexuality may be very useful to those of you with lingerie fetishes who wish to integrated them successfully into relationships. The exchange you’re about to read is about a Running Shoe fetish, but it could be about any fetish at all.
My husband and I have been married for one year, but we had been dating for 10 years prior to that. I thought we had a very understanding relationship. In the last couple of days, I have found out that he has a serious obsession with females wearing running shoes. He had in the past hinted at the fact that it turns him on, but I had no idea of the scope of this obsession. I’ve discovered that he spends a large number of hours a week devoted to this fetish. He was sloppy in covering his tracks one day, and I found evidence on his computer.
I should also mention that when he told me he thought running shoes are hot, I thought he meant on me, not on all living and breathing females.
I believed that he could trust me enough to be open with me, but he has been hiding this from me for 11 years! I am still in shock and not quite sure how to deal with it. He obviously feels ashamed, otherwise he would have told me years ago. Why did he not bring this up before we got married? I had a right to know what I was getting into. I don’t know if I can live with knowing that he gets a hard-on for every running-shoe-wearing woman who goes by. I feel betrayed and creeped out. He says that he didn’t want to hurt me, but he has done just that. I feel physically sick to my stomach knowing that I didn’t really know who he was all this time. We still have to work it out and really talk about our new situation. But I am beginning to think our marriage isn’t going to survive this. Am I being too sensitive? How can I fix my marriage?
Dumbfounded In Brooklyn
Does your husband like your tits only, DIB, or can he get a hard-on for every tits-wearing woman who goes by? Does he like your pussy only, DIB, or can he get a hard-on for every pussy-wearing woman who goes by?
Here’s my theory of relationships between males and females. The male usually as masculine as the female is feminine. That’s why you see craggy faced, sort of ‘ugly’ men with pretty feminine women, it’s because his masculinity matches her femininity.
What lesson can men who wear lingerie and like to express a feminine side take away from this?
It is surely no secret by now that many women aren’t exactly on board with the men in their lives wearing women’s clothing. We can point out at great length how much of a double standard this is (I wonder how many women have been wearing jeans whilst they complained that the man in their lives wanted to wear a skirt or lingerie) but the type of woman who is put off by a man who wears women’s clothing doesn’t care about logic of that nature.
So, as you know, I spend a great deal of time telling my readers how wonderful it is for men to wear women’s clothing, and how much they should indulge their fashion sense to its fullest limits. I do realize, however, that many men who like to wear women’s clothing are very much restrained by other influences in their lives. These influences usually come in the form of women that the men in question want to remain married to or living with.
It’s a common fear (and occasionally, even a reality,) that revealing the fact that you are a man who loves to wear lingerie will push away loved ones and leave you lonely and sadly alone. Some men who share their secrets with their romantic partners find support and love that they did not know existed before they shared their secrets. Other men who share their feelings end up embroiled in bitter disputes and sometimes even divorce.
What are the differences between these two groups of men?